LIGHT COMING THROUGH THE SHAPE OF THE MOON

1.

The lantern swung at the end of its rope the blue coat floated on the surface my grandmother’s hair in long white strands I was nine this is what I remember spread out like a fan in the blackness around her

2.

Her baby in her arms my sister falls again this time down the stairs this could be the solution nip the sickness in the bud but it’s not that simple have solutions even entered Eva’s mind my father and I load mother and child into the car the hospital is fifteen miles away the baby bleeds through my coat the cuffs of my shirt

3.

One step and Grandmother flies laughing down the well in this dream I fly too above the strong man lowered down everyone from miles around can see his red shirt and his big red hands empty now reaching as my father his brow suddenly smooth his hair jet black helps him out onto the ground I see the blue fields all around and my grandmother everywhere as she sinks flies runs

4.

The squirrels fall furry bundles from their nests my brother staggers stomps one dead sometimes they are rabid sometimes they bite my father hangs way back behind us in the brush “Put your gun down Mack” I yell “I’ve got to piss” I don’t want to turn my back to my brother I don’t want to face him either he might as well be shooting in the dark he looks my way says in disbelief “I’m running out of shells” “I’m out too” I lie “Go get some” he says “Go get them yourself” I say my father breaks through the brush Mack turns aims has the hammer back “Better hurry” he says “I’m getting anxious” my father pale as a dove says nothing the barrel six feet from his face I turn my back and wait for the shot to open a hole in my head run all the way home bring my brother back the shells

5.

The angel baby flies his eyes my grandmother’s bright as half dollars we could buy the world the angel baby and me the angel baby sired by an average man could be a god he could heal the sick he could say with his gruff bass voice: Move over old man, I’m taking the wheel

6.

Fire in the house the mare runs the length of the fence my father will say Mother did it out of carelessness madness I say my father and I carry bucket after bucket from the well in our drive my mother is raking out the walnuts to keep the car from miring under the mare runs the length of the fence while my sister watches from the yard as the fire busts out the kitchen glass the house is burning the mare runs the length of the fence the car is dead my mother spreads the walnuts with a rake my father and I carry bucket after bucket from the well into the house the mare runs the length of the fence turns runs the length of the fence again

7.

My father is under the hood of his car from the yard I hear Baby, Baby, Baby the radio plays my sister is behind the wheel Baby, Baby, Baby the bullfrogs holler my father prays for help with the car I pray that our minds will be eased no help will come I’m staring at the moon Baby, Baby, Baby the doctor has said we should let Eva forget I say we shouldn’t

8.

I find Mack crying in the woods no apologies are necessary he gives none the snow is falling and the night sky bright suddenly we are boys again snow in the south we’ve no mittens there is nothing to hunt nothing left to kill

9.

The angel baby flies into my room he takes me up to Heaven we walk around in the clouds until we find the ragged outhouse God in his glory the light comes through the shape of the moon the baby calls God’s name starts cursing and yelling we try to tear the door from its hinges God keeps quiet the door stays locked in Heaven all we hear are bullfrogs

10.

The angel baby flies through the church’s stained glass the choir sings When the Roll Is called Up Yonder the plate is passed all those quarters and half dollars Baby’s hundred eyes light the faces of Eva, Mack, my mother the choir sings Baby dips his finger in the communion he lands on the pew in front of me smears the blood across my cheek

11.

The lantern swings at the end of its rope in the blackness below Grandmother lies on her back a smirk on her face as she sinks ever so slowly one palm up until all that’s left is the flat of her hand she is waving no wait

12.

My father and I sit by the fire and put away a fifth we’ve locked the doors the fire dies down until blue flames are all that’s left Mack with his shotgun Mack with his shells all night we listen to him fire into the dark